Reshaping Women’s Roles: Unravelling the Cultural Threads That Shape Us
For many women, the process of understanding who we are begins long before adulthood. It begins in childhood — in the messages we absorb, the roles we’re assigned, and the expectations quietly placed upon us. I’ve been aware of my social programming for as long as I can remember. It shaped my mother’s life, my own life, and the lives of countless women I’ve worked with.
This blog explores how women’s roles have been culturally constructed, how those threads weave through our personal histories, and how midlife becomes the moment we begin to unhook from them.
The Lineage: Women’s Roles Were Never Neutral
For the last century, women have been understood through roles:
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mother
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daughter
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wife
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sister
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caregiver
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supporter
Our value was tethered to how well we held families together, how much we sacrificed, and how neatly we fit into predetermined molds.
Class shaped everything. Working‑class women often had no choice but to work. Middle‑class women were raised to marry well, support a husband, and maintain the home.
The pressure wasn’t personal — it was cultural, systemic, and deeply embedded.
The Post‑War Shift
After the First World War, over two million British women were left single. They entered department stores like Harrods and Marks & Spencer as workers and customers — early echoes of economic agency.
Books like Singled Out capture these untold stories:
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women who married
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women who never did
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women who became nurses, teachers, “spinster aunts”
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women who lived outside the script
Roles evolved, but the cultural narrative about what women should be never fully loosened its grip.
My Mother’s Story: Poverty, Survival, and Silence
My mum was a single parent in the 1970s — pregnant with her third child while my father left Scotland for England. She was told to “sort it out herself,” long before social security or support systems existed.
Her life became shaped by:
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hardship
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poverty
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judgment
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survival
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silence
We grew up inside that struggle. It became part of our lineage — the quiet inheritance of working‑class women.
Schooling: Gender Roles Written Into the Curriculum
At my all‑girls school, gender roles were strictly defined:
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Boys played football.
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Girls played netball.
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Boys built.
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Girls cooked, sewed, typed.
We were being trained for:
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housewife roles
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secretarial work
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service
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silence
I rebelled. I refused to just do what was expected. But being poor meant expectations were already low. Leaving school felt like escape, not opportunity.
The message was clear:
Women’s lives were built around drudgery, silence, and service.
Early Work: Sexism, Class, and Being “A Good Girl”
At 18, working in male‑dominated hotels, sexism was constant.
You were either:
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a “good girl” or
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something else entirely
Working‑class women were kept in line through shame and guilt. Meanwhile, bohemian middle‑class women celebrated freedom, expression, and independence.
I was shy. I worked jobs I could manage. I survived.
Years later, during therapy training, everything came crashing down. I saw how:
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family dynamics
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gender roles
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class expectations
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unspoken messages
had shaped my behaviour, beliefs, and identity.
Living by Default: The Invisible Weight Women Carry
It became clear how much of our lives are lived by default.
Women:
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give
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perform
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carry
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hold families together
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keep the world turning
And rarely receive the same recognition, rest, or support.
I stepped forward, met my husband, started a family — different context, same dynamics. Cultural and religious ideas layered on top of each other. Expectations of being:
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a good wife
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a good daughter‑in‑law
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a good mother
I adapted, as women often do — but I never stopped questioning it.
Workplace Conditioning: Even in Female Spaces, Women Carry More
In my career — even in female‑dominated environments — women carried the bulk of family responsibility.
We were told:
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to be grateful for work
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to prove our worth
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to push through exhaustion
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to never rest
Burnout crept in. Twice. Adrenal fatigue. Years of pushing through.
It’s not just what we’re taught — it’s what we unconsciously agree to.
The Wake-Up Call: When Life Forces You to See
For many women, the wake-up call comes through:
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illness
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grief
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divorce
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job loss
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burnout
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midlife
Something shakes the illusion.
We look for support but rarely find what truly sees us. We keep performing, covering for others, ignoring our own bodies.
Midlife arrives, and we feel invisible. The cost of always saying yes shows up in:
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our health
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our relationships
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our joy
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our identity
This is where the unravelling begins.
This Is the Work I Do
I help women:
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pause
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notice
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reflect
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unhook
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reclaim
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redefine
We explore:
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where they’ve been
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what stories they’ve lived
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what voices still linger
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what conditioning still shapes them
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what truth is emerging
We reclaim space for their real selves — not the version shaped by culture, class, or expectation.
Three Steps to Increase Awareness
1. Track Your Yes/No
Reflect daily on what you agreed to and why. Did you genuinely want to? Or did you comply out of conditioning?
2. Body Check-In
Notice how your body feels when you’re doing something:
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tight
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relaxed
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drained
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uplifted
Your body tells the truth before your mind does.
3. Voice Journal
Write down the messages you heard growing up:
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“Be good.”
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“Don’t make a fuss.”
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“Don’t be difficult.”
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“Women don’t do that.”
Whose voice is still living inside you?
One Key Action to Start Today
Create one non-negotiable pocket of time each week just for you.
No guilt. No productivity. No performance.
Just presence.
Use that time to listen to what your body, mind, and soul are asking for.
Final Note
You are unwinding generations of ideas about who you are and inherited struggle. This is not selfish — it is sacred.
From here, you get to choose differently. One step at a time.
If you want to explore how to create a soul-led life, contact me at melgbb555@hotmail.com.
f you’d like to explore these themes in more depth, you’ll also find my longer essays on Substack and additional resources, workshops and community discussions on Patreon.
contact me for some help in creating a plan that works for you
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