This video by William Donahue is brilliant at describing realy well how we have a been massively conditioned to remain stuck, in struggle and lack and how we are not taught nor enlightened to know how we access our power. This is due to the conditioning we were exposed to in our early years .

Keeping people in ignorance and lack has been purposely created for eons but in the industrial age, when millions of workers were needed for all the factories and farms, schooling was limited and from a young age your working life was mapped out. (and to be fair that system worked for a while , systemising approaches is what made Ford and McDonalds a massive entity )

What i had apposed from a young age was being put into a box abut what the job was that i should or could do because i was a working class girl. I saw the inequality and massive indoctrination when I was 11 .

How did it start develop , in the 1920’s ,Freuds nephew Edward Bernays went to America and taught the ad companies how to tap into human desire to manipulate the masses (to make you do something you hadn’t earlier or buy stuff) . if you don’t believe me watch The Century of The Self on YouTube. With the invention of radio then television it became much easier. People were heavily influenced first by church, then tv (programmes) and radio and schooling reinforced it.

People were massively targeted after the war to make stuff, sell stuff and make us believe we needed all this stuff . (although I do like having a washing machine lol)

Self belief , confidence and resilience -When I worked in schools over 20 years ago, I noticed the amount of young people who were starting to struggle by year 2 and 3 , by year six it was clear if we didn’t intervene early, these kids’ self-esteem, confidence and capacity to learn was severely diminished.

for kids who were showing signs of ADHD and Autism , thatd really start showing by 2 and 3 years old (for classic diagnosable cases) but (mostly) ignored by teachers schools and local authorities , until the child became so “problematic” they were forced to do something . by this stage the kids self esteem has started to erode.

There are a variety of factors that cause people to have low self-esteem and confidence such as some home factors, adverse childhood experiences, but kids are also fairly resilient. For example, being poor or working class dosnt mean you end up struggling, but mindset, how we see the world and our capacity to grow and be successful is affected by the context in which we grow up and where they are educated.

I was brought up by a very strong fierce Scotish woman who worked hard to make sure we got the basics . Thats how it was for many working class people. Aspiring to “white collar” jobs wasn’t a thing . we worked to eat .We were rarely able to go to uni, it wasn’t a part of the collective mindset , nor ski around the world for fun. The mindset between the middle and working classes was very clear back then. reinforced by the system .

even our surnames were linked to the work our forefathers did. Language is powerful, limiting and freeing

We (professional services) knee that we were often facing a difficult situation, the education system can cause, or impact vulnerable young people and chip away at intelligence, drive, capacity to learn.

I have adult clients and many, even if they had fairly “successful ” lives have struggled either in one aspect of their life or internally struggle with ‘imposter syndrome’ poor self-esteem, confidence issues, impacted further if they’re in a job that dosnt utilise their strengths.

We have also seen research that shows they looked at kids at the age of 7 and many were hitting the criteria for genius. by 11 they wee down to 30pc!!

the system made you dumb

The we have outdated systems and workplaces geared by old methods of working that are now out of date .

Such as many workplaces rely on a way of attracting and interviewing people, or have everyday systems that people with dyslexia, ADD, ADHD, Autism, will massively struggle with.

I met realy intelligent kids at 10 and 11, I knew were smart but by 11 they had internalised all the things they struggled with. teachers could berate them, humiliate them, leave them to struggle and what happens, kids exit mentally, like I did at 14.

I was a A grade student (didn’t know it) but struggled with some subjects at school.

I opted out at 14.

I was working from 16, did great in jobs where I could watch how things were done (kinaesthetic learner) and became a chef until I had my first son , then went and did a white collar job, working for a global courier company because now i started to see the possible opportunities .

Each step we takes if we do it with confidence opens up new doors we would be too blind to see previously

I loved working in hotels as a chef, behind the bar or waiting on . I was good at it and in the 80s you made alot of money . But i wanted a 9-5

by my third career I became a programme designer/manager , project lead and service manager in mental health and wellbeing .

I was great at identifying issues and problem solving. Could design a new project send mobilise it effectively and then track its success.

But when I had to write reports I got stressed. I got stressed sending emails to my bosses.

I hid that I was poor at spelling , but you cant get away with it if you end up working in educational psychology lol !! my boss saw it within a week .

by my OU course the course tutor was stumped as to how i ended up with a MA . I said blood sweat and tears but my mate saved me from screwing up all those essays and gave me a computer !!

When I tried to send basic letters and emails I got stressed. once I tried 17 times to write the standard letter we sent out to parents and kept making mistakes.

My manager, a wise educational psychologist with a PHD said to me, Mel it’s OK, he knew what I was good at.

But we just accepted emails were the main form of communication.

When I became a director of a programme in 2020. I wrote the body of the reports and three of us in the team utilised our strengths to work on different aspects of the programme.

I put our anxiety out there, on the table, and the team supported each other to do well .it was especially critical because we were running a service with high risk (domestic abuse suicide and overdoses) I trained up 5 staff to be great clinicians ,helping woman develop their self esteem and create a new life. yet were judged on how we spell!

It took me years to get to a point of recognising what I was good at and developing that and what were always going to be limitations.

I have also seen how when some people go into mgt they are left to flounder and if they have any limitations ,will often hide it, end up getting depressed or even drinking to cope with the stress ,because it can feel humiliating ,especially when u have other staff who are ready to judge .

Anyhow the video emphasises how our beliefs and conditioning is what is largely going to impact our capacity in life to aim for and reach our goals. But even then, the goals are often much smaller than what we’re truly capable of.

We’re not meant to struggle in life, work and home, but we do because of many factors.

I often heard we can all make it we try, but try writing an essay and screwing it up 30 times before you can submit it and tell me when you might give in.

It takes up a lot of energy especially when your involved in relationships, work, lifestyle that dosnt suit your authentic nature.

It’s also often in our 50s where the burdens and struggles can hit us.

I don’t think the education system has changed much since I was working in it until 2016,

By 2018 I saw how many young people were having mental health issues and even the ones in the first year of uni.

It often felt like a secret we all knew that schooling was responsible for alot of the mental health issues young people had . It was OK for maybe 30pc of kids (which was the average number of kids in slough in a grammar school or did well at SATs in year 6)

The rest navigated home, school and friendships and maybe 20pc realy struggled.

By the time I worked at NHS England I got to see how these early issues manifest in large groups.

Yes, there are many kids who will do ok and many who will have to work really hard whilst there self doubt creeps up on them)

It’s a combination of self-belief, resilience, interested parents, good friendships etc that creates a well-rounded young person. But fundamentally, many are brainwashed to believe if they don’t do well at SATs and get good grades their life will be doomed.

What nonsense!! We’re living in a time in history where AI is going to and already is taking over a lot of tasks people do, where a degree will become irrelevant the moment the certificate is in your hand.

It often takes 10 years from policy to practice implementing change. or the conservative come in ,throw out whats working then rename it two years later. Ask anyone who has worked in a local authority .

But with AI that’s going at a much faster rate.

The conditioning from the industrial revolution just dosnt work for many of us now and old and outdated conditioning leads many its mental health relationships, work issues.

It’s why we need so many coaches and therapists.

People are having to take a reality check and unravel what they believed to be true and work out where they are at in their lives and what they now believe. It’s not easy.

And this is part of why there’s so much chaos.

Challenging old beliefs and attitudes can throw you into existential angst and chaos. It dosnt feel good especially if you hit The Dark Night of The Soul .

Most therapists know this, coz we went through it in our own training and our own Dark Night.

So, if it’s you or someone else that is struggling then show compassion. Sometimes its a phase, sometimes its something deeper .

Its our capacity to know we can get through things as well as learn something new to elevate us to the next level of our own personal evolution that helps , as well as people who get it.

I remember reading Ernesto Spinelli’s Philosophical ideas about why we struggle , One thing always stood out to me, he said Humans will hang onto whatever beliefs and ideologies because the fear of none being true is too much for some people to face. Thats called a Sedimented Belief, one that is attached to the core of who you believe yourself to be .

Hence, don’t get dragged into arguments online about people’s views on whatever subject. because it often is just a prove my stance behaviour and not an openness to listening to how others see the world and gets u nowhere.

Anyhow, if somewhere in your journey, you’re struggling to work through with things that no longer work for you, get some support.

I don’t dig into childhood as part of my work but if there are issues now it can mean an aspect of childhood (a belief, a pattern, outdated idea) needs to come up to explore, so that you can shift it and move forward.

I worked on alot of my learning issues when I was taught NLP and Hypnotherapy . They both opened up a window to a world that started to really make sense . A world of possibilities . How language limits us, how we can shift our beliefs and even our reality and navigate the terrain in shorter times, with less pain .

I even discovered magical spelling . a way of teaching kids who struggled to spell. I taught a group one day and showed the teaching staff and no one was interested because they were so entrenched in the ideas of how things should be taught , they were happy to see the kids continue to struggle to keep reinforcing their beliefs, And it made me sad.

So 25 years on and Im still saying the same thing, however we now have the evidence in #reaseacrh to show how alot of what I was teaching and sharing all that time ago works and makes a difference.

I was motivated , and still am , to highlight these fundamental to existence because we dont have to suffer to the degree in which we do.

As in Buddhist philosophy suffering comes , due to the rubbish in our heads or getting attached to things people and places . We can start to suffer when its time to clear whats bugging us, whether thats through therapy, coaching , hypnotherapy, healing or whatever modality you are drawn to.

If you have kids exploring what they can learn at school and home, let them explore what they naturally love. itl give them such a boost even while learning other aspects of the curriculum.

I only stayed in school for social studies and music.

And they’ve been an integral part of my life ever since in different ways.

And if you’re going through midlife

Then explore what matters gets you excited and would love to do .

If you are really struggling then get some help .

We dont need to suffer in silence nor struggle with the things that we find difficult .

Mel